A New Service
Brought to you by the Uncle himself.

"Helpful Hints from Helen Wheels"

This week's helpful hint question and answer:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

And another question about babies:

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

And some more:

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?


Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.


Q:When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

A little game to pass the time...

Uncle Pervey style: try this link http://www.wagenschenke.ch/ and play the Home Run game to see if you can get the guy home while he is drunk. Uncle Pervey has done this in the past (but usually in his underwear!)

Joke time!

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there. "But what about the smell?" "Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.


A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask overhis mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely....... Are - my - test - results - back?




A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Lady: "No thank you; alcohol is bad for my legs"
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Lady:"No; they open!"




A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."